that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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