don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
