I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
