Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
