I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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