Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
