Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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