That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
