Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
