I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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