Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
