Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
