Duck Duck Cougar?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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