my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
