can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
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