My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
