Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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