Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
did you just send me my own nude
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize