dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
