remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
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