Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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