im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Someone signed my nipple.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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