Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
