i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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