literally had 100 drinks last night.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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