just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
