I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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