I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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