there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
