Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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