cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
