I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
