i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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