...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Randomize
