Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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