There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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