Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
