there was a trapeze. enough said
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
