i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
