Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
