we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
