i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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