They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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