you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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