she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize