she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
