First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
