I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize