somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
