i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
