i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
