threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
