he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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