Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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