id be glad to
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
