one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
