Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
