I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize