I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Houston, we have a squirter
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
