IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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