just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
