How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
