Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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