There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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