I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
