Pregnant stripper...not hot.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
