Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
