i just google imaged poop.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize