we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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