Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
