He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My feet surprised me
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