are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
