My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
